4:20 am. not a wink of sleep. feel like the day has just started [well, technically it has just started] but i mean just started for me. its weird though coz yesterday has not yet ended for me.

Maybe I am afraid to sleep. afraid to close my eyes and turn away from something that has to be done. Maybe I am tired of sleep, I have had too much of it. Maybe I dont want to feel lonely all over again. I am not afraid of lonliness, I just don't like it much. Sure I enjoy my company, but then my thoughts dont let me be. they try to keep me company and vie for my attention but I just wish they would go away. I remember the times when I was a different person. which was not too long ago. and then i think about what changed. it was a big change, a huge change, which happened so quickly that I have barely digested it. I am yet to observe its finesse, to witness its finality, to bear the brunt of the devastation.

I did not see the hurricane coming. it swept me off my feet and I have no idea where I will land as I am still reeling in the dusty clouds and the force of the winds of change.