A Wednesday...

I just wanted to share how my world has changed in the past week. I probably echo what millions of Mumbaikars are feeling.

26/11 was just like any other day.

8:20 PM : Wrapping up work after a long hard day, deciding where to unwind...Sports bar, Leopold or Home...I decided to go straight home. Very unlike me, but I was exhausted.

10:00 PM : I get home, switch on the news.

There were those who unlike me, decided to unwind at Leopold that day. Colleagues, beer, conversations, regular after-work unwinding. 10 paid with their lives. The rest who made it, will live with trauma.
ONE DECISION, a habitual decision, cost them all dearly.
It could have been me.

As the night unfolded, more bad news. The city's posh icons, The Taj and Oberoi Trident were attacked as was CST. 2 terrorists were apprehended 2 streets away from where I live. We heard the shots. Sounded like someone was bursting crackers in a wedding party. I wished that was it.
As I watched the news of Hemant Karkare, Vijay Salaskar and Kamte falling prey to the bullets, I almost felt vulnerable. I felt like they were the only ones who could have protected us. I felt helplessly orphaned.

More casualties, more chaos, more news.

Glued to the TV like the rest of the city, I slept off at 3 AM while watching the hotels under seige and burning rooms. I woke up to the sight of Commandoes being Air dropped in Nariman House at 7:00 AM.
With every addition to the death toll, I wanted to run to the terrorists and PLEAD them to stop. With every addition to the death toll, Mumbai felt like it was losing its own family member.

27/11
Offices weren't declared shut. They just were.
Another day of trauma, anger, utter disbelief and intense fear. My eyes were locked to the TV, unflinching, waiting to hear more bad news. I just wanted to hear the worst. Because I knew it was NOT over.


The drama was unfolding and I felt like I was in a movie. Only difference, I wasn't.

28/11

I decide to go to office like many other Mumbaikars. Trying to live up to the expectations of the rest of the world....trying to display true 'Mumbai Spirit'.
Every face I saw was riddled with fear, a strange restlessness. A billion questions being thrown about that no one answered.

1:00 PM:
We were asked to evacuate the office right away. No time for whys and hows. 'Just leave'..we were told. If you live 'town side', do not go home. I called my land lady who asked me not to think of venturing home. She said she could hear shots and was terrified.

I shared a cab with my colleagues and decided to go to the burbs...which were relatively safer. My colleagues were hysterical. We rolled up the windows, trying to do whatever we could, to feel safe. We knew it made no difference, we cowered anyway, expecting a barrage of bullets from random directions.

The roads were deserted. I have never seen a city so fearful. There were rumours that there were some more terrorists on the lose. I have never felt so much fear in my life.

I got to a friend's house and spent the most depressing weekend watching more bad news, and being a part of discussions that were full of questions. ANGRY questions.

1. HOW could they have got so close?
2. How could 10 men hold Mumbai to ransom?
3. Why were no precautions taken when the government was forewarned about such attacks?
4. Why were the city's top cops fighting with the most regressive and ineffective bullet vests and weapons?
5. Why did the NSG come in 9 whole hours after the attack?
6. Why was Shivraj Patil, one of the most spineless and USELESS men in politics, EVER appointed to the cabinet with one of the most important protfolios?


This Wednesday, exactly a week later, I marched in a peace vigil with thousands like me who don't just want to see change, they want to BE the change.

People of all ages and social classes (I am not even going to get into the religion, caste and creed aspect), people like you and me walked the streets of South Mumbai. The energy was palpable. Looked like an entire city had awakened from a long deep slumber and was raring to go.

And as I stood outside the Trident, singing the National Anthem with my brothers and sisters, I knew that this time things will be different, because I am not counting on someone else to make my world better.
I am going to help myself.

26/11...not like any other day.

things to do before I die...

High time I pen this list down, I am not sure if the list will amount to 10 or 100..but here goes...

1. Write a book

2. Join the Peace Corps at least once in my lifetime

3. Say sorry to some people I think I have really hurt

4. Learn to bake a mean pie

5. learn salsa

6. Finish learning kathak

7. Be invited to speak at the TED talks

8. Visit Leh and Ladakh

9. Visit Machhu Pichhu

10. Be a housewife and raise my kids

11. Start a home for the aged, abandoned kids and battered women

12. Sponsor as many children as I can

13. Go sky diving

14. Have Children

15. Get a Phd

16. Go to mathura/vrindavan with mum

17. Go swimming with Dolphins

18. write a travelogue

19. write a book on food

20. If I have enough money at the end of my life, start a trust fund which will educate needy children from Pune city.

21. Meet Narendra Modi

22. Live in London AGAIN

23. Learn to speak Chinese

24. Have a party where everyone I have ever known and cared about is present. Ive ALWAYS wanted to do that!

25. Get drunk and married in Las Vegas, and follow it up with a slice of pizza !

26. Be actively involved in the cause of queer and human rights.

27. Learn to create websites

28. Write a column for the NYT

29. Be nominated for the Booker prize

30. Own a log cabin in the swiss alps and Chamba with lots of dogs and sheep and birds!

31. Celebrate every birthday with the same amount of zeal as I did when I was 5.

32. Own a restaurant with Sohail

33. Fulfill some of my crazy kinky fantasies (spare u the details)!

34. be a part of a float at the Notting Hill Carnival

35. Party in Ibiza

36. Visit the Dead Sea

37. Live and work in New York (Manhattan)

38. Be a part of one major theatre production

39. Teach kids drama

40. Travel across Europe with Mukti

41. Eat at a Michelin starred restaurant

42. Have lunch with Nigella

43. Learn to juggle.

44. Host a travel and food show

45. Hang out with Anthony Bourdain

no amount of words will do justice to what i actually feel about Sohail, but here goes...
There were times when i told myself that soul mates were a myth, times when i had nobody to share my crazy self with.i often wondered how i'd ever find somebody who knew what my next words were going to be..somebody who loved me for being me.i walked along busy subways, boarded crowded trains, pretending to read. wondering... what is it that I really need?life was good, i was getting along fine, but the joys and sorrows, they were all mine.and then you came along, not with a bang or pomp, just walked into my life and a quiet calm took over me.and i suddenly felt strength i had not felt in ages. the days did not seem brighter and the flowers did not smell sweeter, but i just knew that my life got betternow here you are right within me...and i dont want to lock you up inside. I dont want you or need you, but simply cherish and love you.from here, forever...

How many times have you wished someone a happy birthday and heard 'oh its just another day, whats the big deal?!' in response? I know I have a zillion times! And every time I hear that, I end up trying to convince the other person that 'no its not just another day, its your birthday, which basically means that it is YOUR day and therefore deserves to be celebrated!'The age argument of course is the most oft-used excuse for the lack of enthusiasm.It is amazing how age is such a scapegoat for morosity. Au contraire I believe that the older you get, the more you must value your life, coz what we have less of, is precious and what is precious must be celebrated! Logical isn't it? But of course, the more grey you get on the TOP of your head, the less grey you have left INSIDE of it!I am generally bad at keeping the 1 million promises I make to myself at the rate of a hundred everyday. But if there is something I will give my right arm and left leg to ensure, it is of keeping the joy and love for life alive in me. I promise myself that when I turn 60, I will throw myself the biggest birthday party ever! A bottle shaped cake, an in-house bar flowing all night, lots of sinful food, all my friends and family, the works! And there I will be sitting joyfully amidst it all, celebrating me and the lifethat I lived...mostly with love.