A Wednesday...

I just wanted to share how my world has changed in the past week. I probably echo what millions of Mumbaikars are feeling.

26/11 was just like any other day.

8:20 PM : Wrapping up work after a long hard day, deciding where to unwind...Sports bar, Leopold or Home...I decided to go straight home. Very unlike me, but I was exhausted.

10:00 PM : I get home, switch on the news.

There were those who unlike me, decided to unwind at Leopold that day. Colleagues, beer, conversations, regular after-work unwinding. 10 paid with their lives. The rest who made it, will live with trauma.
ONE DECISION, a habitual decision, cost them all dearly.
It could have been me.

As the night unfolded, more bad news. The city's posh icons, The Taj and Oberoi Trident were attacked as was CST. 2 terrorists were apprehended 2 streets away from where I live. We heard the shots. Sounded like someone was bursting crackers in a wedding party. I wished that was it.
As I watched the news of Hemant Karkare, Vijay Salaskar and Kamte falling prey to the bullets, I almost felt vulnerable. I felt like they were the only ones who could have protected us. I felt helplessly orphaned.

More casualties, more chaos, more news.

Glued to the TV like the rest of the city, I slept off at 3 AM while watching the hotels under seige and burning rooms. I woke up to the sight of Commandoes being Air dropped in Nariman House at 7:00 AM.
With every addition to the death toll, I wanted to run to the terrorists and PLEAD them to stop. With every addition to the death toll, Mumbai felt like it was losing its own family member.

27/11
Offices weren't declared shut. They just were.
Another day of trauma, anger, utter disbelief and intense fear. My eyes were locked to the TV, unflinching, waiting to hear more bad news. I just wanted to hear the worst. Because I knew it was NOT over.


The drama was unfolding and I felt like I was in a movie. Only difference, I wasn't.

28/11

I decide to go to office like many other Mumbaikars. Trying to live up to the expectations of the rest of the world....trying to display true 'Mumbai Spirit'.
Every face I saw was riddled with fear, a strange restlessness. A billion questions being thrown about that no one answered.

1:00 PM:
We were asked to evacuate the office right away. No time for whys and hows. 'Just leave'..we were told. If you live 'town side', do not go home. I called my land lady who asked me not to think of venturing home. She said she could hear shots and was terrified.

I shared a cab with my colleagues and decided to go to the burbs...which were relatively safer. My colleagues were hysterical. We rolled up the windows, trying to do whatever we could, to feel safe. We knew it made no difference, we cowered anyway, expecting a barrage of bullets from random directions.

The roads were deserted. I have never seen a city so fearful. There were rumours that there were some more terrorists on the lose. I have never felt so much fear in my life.

I got to a friend's house and spent the most depressing weekend watching more bad news, and being a part of discussions that were full of questions. ANGRY questions.

1. HOW could they have got so close?
2. How could 10 men hold Mumbai to ransom?
3. Why were no precautions taken when the government was forewarned about such attacks?
4. Why were the city's top cops fighting with the most regressive and ineffective bullet vests and weapons?
5. Why did the NSG come in 9 whole hours after the attack?
6. Why was Shivraj Patil, one of the most spineless and USELESS men in politics, EVER appointed to the cabinet with one of the most important protfolios?


This Wednesday, exactly a week later, I marched in a peace vigil with thousands like me who don't just want to see change, they want to BE the change.

People of all ages and social classes (I am not even going to get into the religion, caste and creed aspect), people like you and me walked the streets of South Mumbai. The energy was palpable. Looked like an entire city had awakened from a long deep slumber and was raring to go.

And as I stood outside the Trident, singing the National Anthem with my brothers and sisters, I knew that this time things will be different, because I am not counting on someone else to make my world better.
I am going to help myself.

26/11...not like any other day.